Let’s just jump into the mommy part of this blog with a tough topic.
Hanna is now just over 18 months old. She is a seriously spirited child, and expects to get just what she wants when she wants it. She is still nursing, and I am starting to think about weaning her. Here’s my problem. I don’t know how I will get her to sleep, or through the day.
Hanna has never had a set “nursing schedule” so it’s difficult to just decrease nursing sessions. She nurses all day, before naps, before bed, in the middle of the night. Dang, no wonder I’m tired. I have been thinking about cutting back to only before nap and bed, but here’s the problem there. I never know if she’s really going to go to sleep or not. She may act tired, nurse and then be wide awake again. Then 30 or 40 minutes later she comes back and we do it all over again.
How do I figure out which time to nurse or not nurse? Argh.
Here’s my second HUGE problem with telling her no when it comes to nursing. When I tell her no, I ask if she wants a drink and give her a cup, and tell her I give her cuddles and we hug. This usually does not work worth a rip and she starts screaming and grabbing at my shirt. If she gets it up a little bit she will latch on to whatever skin she see. Yeah, that hurts folks. Anyway, she can scream for a VERY long period of time. I can deal with the screaming, because I really think she knows now that screaming gets her what she wants. (which it does) But if I have a conference call to be on, or someone calls related to business how do I deal with that?
I can’t have a screaming banshee on this end of the phone. What’s a mama to do?
I’m getting frustrated with having my shirt yanked on, and being grabbed on, her being so demanding and I think it’s time we stop, but I really just don’t know how. Maybe we’ll wait until after Thanksgiving and then I’ll take some time and just do it. Do you think a week will work? Or is it going to take longer with this strong willed little munchkin? Yee Gads I need some help.
I’m also thinking about going to a LeLeche League meeting, but I’m a little concerned about their response to me weaning since it isn’t her choice. But hello ~ I have nursed her for 18 months.
Need advice ~ anyone that has some, leave a comment or give me a call. I’m open to suggestions.
Thanks,
Jackie Lee 
620-863-2485
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I had this same problem when I was trying to set up a small retail business online just after I’d had my second child. My first was very easy to deal with but the second was high maintenance. It helped me to develop a strict routine that works for you and offer rewards to your child when that routine is followed.
I stumbled upon this page while surfing and I can say it’s worth the time I spent on it. Keep it up! You can be sure that I’ll be back for more.
I wouldn’t use the word punish either, but a child does need to know what is expected of them. Speaking from my own experience, calmly tell her that you don’t approve of her behavior and if she would like to try it again, you will listen. Otherwise, refuse to reward bad behavior and do not give in.
.-= Will Glidewell´s last blog ..A Mortgage Wealth Manager =-.
Interesting post. I have stumbled this for my friends. Hope others find it as interesting as I did.
Interesting post. I have made a twitter post about this. Hope others find it as interesting as I did.
My sister had the same issues with her little girl.
She gave her the whole don’t you want to be a big girl like mommy line …. worked like a charm
Is your issue resolved yet? I just came upon it. I have some thoughts if it’s not.
Thanks all, for the support from this string. Have a 16.5 mos old who has been nursing round the clock. But just in the last 2 weeks, I have studied up on improving my toddler snack creativity, helping him graze all day, and letting him whine/cry a little before nursing during the night. Just found a great article on night weaning on Dr. Jay Gordon’s site called “changing the sleep pattern in the family bed.” I think he’s ready, as we are showing early progress.
Two related Qs – as I see it’s been 9 mos from Jackie’s original post. I am doing this so that we have a better chance at having a second baby (I am about to turn 39 and we would like to have two kids fairly close in age.)
1) Can anyone comment on nursing less and whether that may trigger return of monthly period?
2) Can anyone comment on whether you really have to wean completely if feeling pressure from biological clock?
Oh geeze! I don’t even want to think about kids but my fiance is already talking about it. It’s crazy how time flies, it feels like yesterday I was meeting her in high school.
We are still nursing before nap and to sleep at night. She started sleeping through the night when we weaned her, but has since started waking up at 3am.
I just go in and lay beside her and she goes back to sleep.
I think once she finally knew I wasn’t going to cave in and nurse her during the night she gave up and decided to sleep.
I wish I could have confidence she would do that when we wean completely. I started trying to wean her for the before nap session.
She just wouldn’t sleep. Then she was a nightmare between 3 and 7. She did this for a week, and I couldn’t take it anymore, and nursed her for a nap on the 5th day.
Yes, I know I ruined it all and will have to start over, but maybe she just isn’t ready. When I night weaned her it was pretty simple, so it makes me feel like she just isn’t quite ready yet.
But I am lol.
Jackie
just one more thing I forgot – I wish he could sleep through the night (my daughter did at 6 months) but how can you make a kid sleep through the night? I guess there is no way to do that…if I could breastfeed him just twice – to go to sleep nap or bedtime I wouldn’t mind it as much…..maybe I have to wait until he is two like Hanna?
I have the same problem. My son is 16 months and is very demanding, very strong-willed and he still wakes up 4 times at night to breastfeed. I was able to cut down day-time feedings to just before his nap and after nap BUT I cant stop the nighttime feeding because he feeds to fall asleep or go back to sleep. I am trying to give him more schedule bc I think he needs it but I have a 5 year old and until school starts I cant give my son much schedule. He also SCREAMS very loud whenever frustrated and he is so different from my daughter. I feel TIRED but he is a SWEET kid, just very smart and active. I hope I can wean him in a healthy way. I think stopping cold turkey would just confuse him. He is going through the separation anxiety phase that I hope ends by 18 months like they say. Thanks for the site. It was helpful to read….
Noel,
I know how you feel. I felt the same way with Hanna. She is still at 2 years nursing to sleep. I go between thinking she should be able to sleep by herself and remembering she is ONLY two, and so far, giving her what she needs has worked for us. We also have a futon, I just put the matress on the floor, so she couldn’t fall off and took almost everything out of the room so she couldn’t get hurt.
We actually left her in her room by herself on the futon when she was about 16 months old. People scoffed at me, but it really worked for our family.
She is now sleeping on the futon by herself and most nights sleeps through until 5 or 6 am. I go in and lay with her and can usually get another hour or two of sleep.
Oh, about the milk. Hanna wouldn’t drink milk for a really long time. I don’t like milk so I didn’t really push it. One day she wanted some of my cereal, so I gave her some, and from there on she started warming up to milk. She does NOT drink milk like most kids, but she does eat cheese and lots of brocolli.
Good luck and I’m glad you found some support and help here.
That’s why I do it.
Jackie
Wow, I found this very helpful! I don’t have many breastfeeding friends, so no one understands what I have gone through with my fussy/high needs baby who is now a toddler. Thank you for making me feel like I am not alone in my efforts. I have been wanting to wean my daughter who is 15 months old. She doesn’t like milk, formula, juice but does like water once in a while. I have done everything short of force feeding it to her, her father tries to give it to her too, but she won’t have it. She likes the good stuff. I push food instead of breast and have gotten her from feeding every hour to every couple of hours or so. Boredom is a big issue for nursing, if she gets bored she would rather chill at breast than sit doing nothing so I have upped her activities to keep up with her toddlerhood. I am making headway but feel like it will never end. I have had mom burn out more times than I can count and I have to dust myself off and keep going. I feel sometimes that weaning cold turkey would help her. Her pediatrician told me to stop cold turkey, that when she gets hungry enough she will drink the milk, but I don’t see how that will help. WHAT IF she doesn’t go to milk and absolutely refuses to drink it…She is VERY strongwilled and I fear that she would rather starve than go without breastmilk. She still sleeps with me and I do love it but I want to get her to sleep by herself…she won’t go to sleep in her crib because she can’t nurse herself to sleep in that, so I lay her on the futon in her nursery. I am so worried that she can get up and get into things if I fall asleep and get hurt or something. I wish there was a giant toddler bed with gates that I could lay her down in
Thanks for letting me rant on your site. Bottom line, I found this EXTREMELY helpful 
My son is 27 months old. We cut back to nursing twice a day when he was 18 months. We now nurse when he wakes up and after his bath at night (before we brush and floss teeth) before bedtime. I am ready to finish nursing, Alden on the other hand is not, he is like the other Spitited kiddos mentioned, he is very strong willed and while we have managed to shorten the amount of nursing he is now so big and strong I have difficulty getting him dressed for bed if we broach the subject of not nursing. It’s tough to be Two, he’s getting another new molar, or he’s getting over that nasty cold we all got, or he’s frustrated with his limited vocab and my innability to understand exactly what it is that he wants, and also he likes to nurse, it makes him feel safe and relaxed and it tastes good. Sometines I think I’m crazy , but I want to get pregnant again. I don’t want to be nursing while I’m pregnant. I just don’t know how to go about this next step, part of me thinks I have to cut one nursing time ( I can’t even decide which) but I also think this might make stopping altogether even harder and perhaps cold turkey is the best option. There is no easy answer, I have considered using cabbage leaves to try to stop the small amout of milk I’m producing and maybe Alden would just decide a nice cuddle would be just as good. That’s where we’re at, thanks for your time.
Alden’s Mommy
People keep mentioning to discipline her ~ what would I be disciplining. She’s not doing any “wrong” she is just expressing her wants and needs. What exactly would you recommend as discipline?
We have successfully managed to wean my delightfully spirited daughter. We did it with love, cuddles, hugs and lots of reassurance that mommy loves her, but no more num nums during the day.
We have also successfully weaned her at night as well. We are now down to only 2 nursing sessions a day, just before nap (which we sometimes skip ~ the nursing, not the nap if I can help it lol) and before bed.
This is perfectly ok with me, I love nursing her and am glad to spend that time bonding with her during the day.
Jackie
I am having sort of the same problem with my son he is nearly 2 and he has a bottle before bed and when he wakes in the morning.
I am trying to cut out the morning bottle and also teh night one. But the mornnig one has to go, I just don’t like listerning to the screaming. So he usually gets it.
I also think disapline would maybe work.
DAMINK
Hanna sounds familiar.
I think you just have to be firm with her. If she realizes that you aren’t going to budge, then she knows she’s wasting her time.
Discipline isn’t too harsh.
“Dicipline” is such a harsh word, but maybe “structure” will do.
There’s a time for everything, and being a father of two, I know how how terrible it can be when the baby is controlling your schedule.
Well, here’s something that worked like a charm for us: Put the baby in a separate room when he or she is supposed to sleep. Don’t allow naps out of schedule. And — if possible — let the father handle the baby if he or she wakes up. No cuddling.
Just my two cents.
Oh my gosh Jackie, I know exactly what you mean when you say “that hurts folks” and how they can scream very loud! My sister in law has a little girl and I’ve experienced both of these quite often in the early stages. I’ll have to ask her about the nursing schedule.
Hello there,
I’m not a mother but i am father also we that the same age as your dauther, and also we are experiencing the same problem, but in my own opnion it’s a matter of how you discipline you child what i mean is if you said no, It should be no and try be firmed with your no and not change it even it is wrong or whatever reason because you said no so stand on it becuase if your decission is not firmed and you keep on changing after she act like you mentioned you can not disciplined her because she always do the same thing after you said no to be come yes. I hope you get my point.
Revero
Make Money With Blogs
You need to recreate yourself into a “School Marm”. You give the look that says “Don’t bother Kiddo, your getting farther from your goals every second.”
But I never do that. I change the venue. From the time she was born..(nearly) I pop her up on my shoulders and step outside into the cold air. I guess, she just needs to get out and away for a few minutes. It has stopped her ranting every time…for 15 months anyway.
“I can deal with the screaming, because I really think she knows now that screaming gets her what she wants”
And she’ll continue to scream until you toughen up to her and not respond to her screaming. It won’t happen over night but stand your ground and over time she will realize that screaming doesen’t work.
I think discipline is part of the equation, and I must say I have had a hard time finding a balance between discipline and AP concepts. Hanna is also a VERY spirited toddler, so discipline itself is not the easiest thing. She tests and tests and tests her limits to see if we really mean what we say. We are working harder to make clear and direct statements and let her know what is ok and what is not, but it is taking some time for her to really believe it.
Thanks for your comments and for stopping by!
Jackie
I think discipline also plays a major role in there. From the very beginning, we strived to make sure our son understood that mom is not a slave at his beckoning. I think that’s something worth trying. That way they learn to be patient instead of always screaming when their demands (that are not necessary) are not met.
Wow. I’m in the exact same situation. My son is 15.5 months and is demanding to the extreme. I’m also a work at home mom, so I’ve always been there for him to nurse on demand. I can somewhat keep him from nursing during the day, but at night, he screams if he stirs in sleep and realizes he isn’t attached to me at the boob. We don’t know what to do. We are thinking we may just have to do things cold turkey, but that won’t be fun for anyone. It seems like all moms who nurse this long recommend waiting until your child is ready. But, the way he is acting, who knows if that time will ever come. Good luck and let me know if you end up having any luck
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